Color and rain.

Attempted Murder.

Sunday, March 22, 2009 8:07 PM

Don't you just wish that sometimes you could read what's inside a person's mind or much better, kill them with your glares? Don't you just wish for that ground to open and swallow them whole?

I'd kiss the ground for that.

I AM SO INFURIATED! SO DAMN MAD THAT I WANT TO HURL SOMETHING SO FRAGILE SO THAT PEOPLE COULD HATE ME MORE!

Whatever did I do wrong? Everything? Yeah. I do every single thing wrong, be clumsy, fall over and cry. Whatever. Imagine this, at school there isn't a single day that I didn't feel that I was hated for doing absolutely... I don't know, stupid? Insensible? Nothing at all?

Sometimes, when a group of people seems so happy and they invite me to just hang out with them, it always makes me want to say, 'No thanks, I'll just ruin everybody's fun.' I always feel like I'm a wet blanket. Party pooper. Whatever you want to call me.

And even in the comforts of my home. The one place where you should feel safe, safe from everybody, peaceful and calm. I can't even be callm. I laugh when I can laugh but then I think 'Mamaya wala na rin toh.'

I know I get angry for no reason at all, and I shouldn't mind if other people get angry for no reason, too. I know I'm annoying when I'm angry. I find other people annoying at all times. But sometimes, I just want to know if I did anything, anything at all for them to get angry at me.

I just wanna cry right now. But people are still awake and what of they saw me crying? I don't want conversations. I want silence. I just want a locked door, no one knocking, no one bothering me. I want blasting music. I want to write a fucking story. I want to paint my room, but unfortunanetly I can't.

I can't fucking post any names here because maybe, by some twist of fate because bad karma instantly loved me, they would see this and get mad some more. X(